Unexpressed Expectations
I’ve been noticing a pattern recently. As I’ve talked with my clients, friends, and family about some of the challenges they are facing at work and in their relationships, it seems that a lot of our troubles are due to “unexpressed expectations”. Bosses trying to change behavior with subtle hints instead of overt direction. Marriages failing because of a lack of communication about what matters most to each partner. Leaders frustrated when people aren’t onboard with a change – when in fact those same people haven’t been told what to change.
My rule of thumb in each of this situations is that we can’t expect people to read our minds. We have to explicitly express our expectations. If we want to see it, we need to say it.
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I truly think this is one of the biggest problems in human relationships. We want others to read our minds, or we assume that we must be on the same page already. Why do we do this? It is certainly easier not to have to initiate a conversation, risk a confrontation or unpleasant surprise, and then (perhaps) change one’s own opinion or plan of action. Are we being passive aggressive? Lazy? Or just human?