Recently a relatively new manager asked me how he could get more candid feedback from his employees.   This particular manager is a superstar in the eyes of his own manager and he had received good feedback from his peers and direct reports on a 360 assessment.  But he is genuinely interested in continuing to grow and develop and wanted to solicit input and suggestions from his people.

This situation is intriguing to me because I have seen it repeated with numerous leaders and managers.  In the leadership development field, we lament the fact that many managers aren’t open to feedback.  Yet those who are often struggle to get it!

I most often see this pattern when the manager is an EJ according to the Myers-Briggs Type Instrument or a high D or I on the Disc instrument.  While we (yes, I fit both descriptions too) have good intentions, we can unintentionally overwhelm others and actually quash feedback – even when we want it.  We come across as overly direct and unwittingly confrontational.  We enjoy debating and playing devil’s advocate and fail to recognize that this conversational style may encourage others to shut down.  When communicating with others who have opposite styles we need to slow down and soften our approach.

Here are some suggestions I’ve tried and shared with other extroverted, action-oriented leaders.

1.    Try to avoid asking yes/no questions such as, “Do you have any feedback for me?” or “Is there anything I could be doing better?”  Instead try asking questions such as, “As you know I am working on being less stubborn about my ideas.  I want to express that I am open to input from others. What suggestions do you have for me?” or “What suggestions do you have for me about how I can be a better listener?”

2.    Recognize that some people may never feel comfortable giving direct critical feedback to their boss.  Learn about your effectiveness as a manager indirectly by talk more about how the employee and the team are doing.  Ask open questions such as:
•    How are you doing?
•    How is the rest of the team doing?
•    Are you getting enough direction?
•    Are you getting enough support?
•    Are our team goals clear to you?
•    Is there anything you need help with

Their answer to these questions will indirectly tell you if you are doing a good job at leading them!

3.    When shy or quiet direct reports provide feedback, remember that this is a big first step for them. In your enthusiasm, it can be easy to overpower them or scare them off.  I like to use a little bird metaphor in situation like these.  Your employee is a little bird and you are a nature lover who wants to encourage the bird to come closer.   View the first piece of feedback they offer much like a bird who has worked up the nerve to take a crumb from the edge of your deck.  Speak softly.  Thank them and move on to another topic.  Avoid the temptation to “run at them” by asking a lot of direct, pointed, or probing questions.  Over time they will see you accepted the feedback and will be more likely to come closer/speak up.

I’d love to keep adding to this list. What else have you tried?