Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of feedback.

Executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “Feedback is a gift that only other can give.”  So, if feedback is a gift, why do so many of us struggle with giving and receiving it?

I had a couple of experiences this summer that made me realize that there are actually many types of feedback.  Perhaps we need more words for the many types – just like the Eskimos have many words for all of the different types of snow.  Here are some possibilities:

Evaluation Feedback:

This type of feedback is probably the most common in the world of work.  It’s also the least helpful.  Evaluation feedback comes at the end.  The end of the performance year.  The end of the week-long class.  The end of a project.  Sure it’s helpful for all us to gauge how we did, and we may use evaluation feedback to improve next time.  But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?

Performance Feedback:

This type of feedback generally comes from a boss or someone whose own success depends on you.  While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.

I remember getting performance feedback from a boss years ago who said, “it bugs other people on the staff when you multi-task and work on your day planner during staff meetings.”  Meaning – stop it!

When you sense that someone is trying to give performance feedback, it may help you both to get very clear.  Try asking, “what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?”  Once you’ve gotten the feedback, make the change!

Fine-Tuning:

This feedback comes from people who think you are generally doing a good job, but they see an opportunity for you to get even better by tweaking a behavior or two.  One of the best examples of fine-tuning feedback  ever received was from a course participant.  She told me she enjoyed my course and then asked if she could share some feedback.  She then went on to explain that when I nodded my head while she and others were talking she felt rushed.  WOW!  This blew me away because I had no idea that my behavior was having this negative impact.

The key to fine-tuning feedback is offering what impact someone’s behavior is having on you.  The giver is not necessarily trying to control or change you.  By sharing how your behavior is impacting them – they give the receiver the opportunity to change or not.

Feed-Forward:

Goldsmith came up with this one years ago.  It means giving someone suggestions in advance about how to behave rather than waiting for them to fail and beating them up afterward.  Years ago my husband was about to present to his company’s executive leadership team for the first time.  His boss gave him great feed-forward about how to dress, when to speak, how much detail to go into, etc.

Slap Upside the Head:

Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, “You are making yourself and others miserable.  What’s going on?”

This is the kind of feedback that only great friends can give.  It consists of observations about you, that people share with you because they care about you. In his book, Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.

The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn’t trying to control you or change you for their sake.  They speak up because they know where you want to be and see that you are getting in your own way.

Summary

Feedback Givers: Before you give feedback, think through your intention and the type of feedback that fits best.  Remember that if you are not in a position of authority, evaluation feedback is not appropriate.  You can lead a horse to water . . .

Feedback Receivers:  We all suffer from a lack of self-awareness at times and feedback is the only way we can learn what our blind spots are.  Even when you don’t agree with it, view feedback as a gift.